WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
