Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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