I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
