I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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