She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize