That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
