I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
