Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
