We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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