I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
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America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
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you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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