Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
