I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
