Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize