It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
