Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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