I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
