Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
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I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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