It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
