At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
