some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
