we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
