I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
