So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
