Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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