if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
