you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
