I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You are the jesus of drinking
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
