Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
