If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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