Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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