is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i think im in europe. pls send help
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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