if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
