Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize