Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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