I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
