I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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