Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
