so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
