Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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