I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
