I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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