margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This is not my ceiling
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's never too late to be topless.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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