Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
