sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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