I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
