I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
