new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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