All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize