You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
