All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
