I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm having to shit out rocks
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