It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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