WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
