Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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