Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
