My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hope mine doesn't look like that
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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