I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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