at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
