i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
