my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
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i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
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So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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