I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
