Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
