No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Randomize
