just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
